Read the rules before your race
I got a time penalty at the Gosfield Sprint Triathlon for fiddling with my helmet. Yes, this is a cheap joke, but it's not the first time I've been caught fiddling with my helmet at an inappropriate time.
The swim had gone as badly as expected. I forgot my wetsuit (how could I forget something so fundamental as a wetsuit!?) and as I entered the lake in the mass start the cold water hit my torso and shoulders and my heart rate and and breathing rate went through the roof and within the first few strokes I thought I was going to hyperventilate or have a panic attack.
Then someone cracked me on the side of the head and that was it. I was done. I looked up to see if there was one of the marshals in a kayak who could escort me out, but I looked back and realised I'd gone all of 30 meters from the bank. My wife was there. My son. A big crowd of supporters from TRISudbury. I couldn't quit. Not even me - and I'm almost a pro when it comes to quitting.
Then, and I really did this, I started walking - thankfully Gosfield Lake is shallow - but with arms doing the front crawl, so no-one would notice that my feet were stomping through the primordial mud at the bottom of the lake as I tried to sort myself out.
I managed, but never got into any sort of rhythm. Yes, it's only 750 meters, but when you swim like me there's rarely a rhythm. Throw in the fact I have the vision of a shortsighted vole and I'm deaf due to the large earplugs I have to stick in my ears to stop getting ear infections - I'm just not designed for swimming.
My lap almost complete, and getting close to transition and the cheering crowds, I ditched breaststroke and did my best effort at front crawl as I neared the finish, got up on my feet and began wading through the water purposely and squeezing my nose with my fingers in that way serious swimmers and triathletes do as the exit the water. Later on, someone said I looked really good at the end of the swim. I did - it was the other 700 meters that I looked entirely shit.
Without a wetsuit my transition onto the bike wasn't too bad. And soon enough I was hurtling along the Essex roads from Gosfield towards Sible Hedingham and thoroughly enjoying myself. It's clear that my speed drops alarmingly as soon as I hit any sort of incline, but on the whole it was smooth and I seemed to pass more people than passed me. Which is rare.
I wheeled my bike into the transition zone, wife and son cheering loudly, feeling unusually manly. Thinking, but not intelligently, I could get ahead for the run I unclipped my helmet as I looked for my transition spot, and suddenly an officious looking chap appears in front of me informing me I'd broken rules and would have to take a time penalty. Suddenly I'm back at school, being told off, thinking it was unfair, when in fact it wasn't. While I was waiting I thought I'd unclip my cleats, and was quickly told that was a triathlon crime too. So I took my punishment, wife and son watching, son looking somewhat ashamed and probably thinking "dad's ballsed it up again".
My punishment served I'm free to go. My wife shouts out: "Read the bloody rules next time!" Someone else shouts out: "Just let it go mate." I genuinely didn't know that you couldn't fiddle with your helmet, even unclip it, I just thought you couldn't take it off. Lesson learned, time to run.
I'm assuming one day that trying to run after riding a bike will get easier. I still recall being about seven years old. I was out on my bike when the ice cream van visited the big housing estate I lived on. I flew back on my bike, jumped off, grabbed some cash and then ran for the ice-cream van as it trundled up the street. Except my legs wouldn't work, it felt like I was using someone else's legs - and that someone else had rubbish legs with two left feet. Sadly it still feels like that now but with no 99 and a flake waiting for me.
I lumbered out into the countryside, cheers and bells ringing out. Tried to find a decent pace, which I did, which was slow. Through a housing estate and then back round to the junction which gives the choice to go straight onto the finish - if you've run two laps - or turn right for the second lap. I got confused and assumed I had to go straight on, someone shouted out: "Have you done your second lap?" I hadn't, and I confess, that for a few seconds I thought: "If I just say 'yes' and carry on - who will know!? Think of the time!" Of course, this dark and devious thought quickly dissipated and I turned around and rejoined the route for lap two.
Thankfully my legs seemed to loosen up on the second lap and I began passing a few people and of course did the obligatory fast finish to the line and the most fabulous welcome from my brilliant son.
I mention to a fellow TRISudbury member at the end of the race that to be successful at this triathlon business I would need to start running, cycling and swimming more, and then doing these things closer together. Going for a ride one Saturday morning, a jog a week later and a week or two later a few laps of the local pool were just not going to cut it if I wanted to do an IronMan. She just laughed. And rightly so.
I check my place and time on the website that night. I came 47th out of 92, in a time of 1:35:34. It's annoying, without that time penalty I would have come, well, 47th - but that's not the point.
Great event, well organised, friendly and in a beautiful setting. I'll be taking part next year, should you want to go to: https://www.entrycentral.com/event/123495
For more information on Gosfield Lake wild swimming sessions go to: https://www.wildswimming.co.uk/map/gosfield-lake-resort/
